Saturday, September 27, 2008

Good News for Masochistic Lions Fans

A new act at the Waterford Grill

The Matt Millen Clown and Lounge Show, with Joey Harrington on keyboards and backup singers Mike Williams and Charles Rogers.

They can no longer harm Lions fans so let them entertain with hits like "Morningwhig, Marinelli and kind of guys" and "First Round Wide Receiver...I Think I'm in Love."

The band pays you to show up...part of a $100 million plan to pay back all the money they received for their unprecedented run of failure.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Down with the Tigers, Up with the Cubs.

It's been a while since I took a look at the major league baseball standings. With me, it's always about the home team and for baseball that means the Detroit Tigers. The Tigers came into this season with high expectations sporting all kinds of newly acquired talent and a bloated payroll usually seen only in New York or Boston. And from the get go they stunk - real bad. After losing their first eight games of the season, they have barely played .500 baseball and are now way back in the AL Central. I know this because I checked today for the first time since June. Yes, I am a fair weather fan. Which can be an advantage, I'm sure the Lions wish people would stop paying attention to them.

But, man, the standings told a great a story and with baseball playoffs almost here, it's time to get myself a seat on the bandwagon. And I have my team. The Chicago Cubs. Could this be the year that the lovable yet hapless Cubbies finally overcome their century long jinx. That is the kind of story that world needs now. Go Cubs!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Q&A #1

Question: What's eating Jon Kitna?

Answer: He wishes he was J.T O'Sullivan

Kitna wants to be a christian robot in the mark martz scheme. Not be where he is right now where he needs to make plays and throw good passes.

And all he can think about for this Sunday's game, "if only i was mike martz's bitch. Things would be so much better." Then maybe Jesus would be that much prouder.

The poor guy, knew the team was a fraud. He knew it was over with three straight touchdowns in the first half of the first quarter of the first game and knew the defense sucked balls and the offensive line was worthless and it was all on him to win. And he knew he couldn't do it.

But I pick on one man, what about the Lions as the pathetic uncompetitive organization they are. The people in charge need to wake up. Long standing institutions with a much better record of success are going down as I write this.

So true

Spoken by Stephen Smith on the ESPN network.

"This (Lions) team is just atrocious and Matt Millen is a walking football atrocity. He is the worst executive, in my opinion, in the history of team sports.

"He is flat-out garbage. The fact that he is allowed to have a job, the fact that he is allowed to walk though the streets of Detroit to enter Ford Field is an abomination in and of itself.

"There should be barricades keeping this man out of the city limits. He should not be allowed to be employed by the Detroit Lions. He is a disgrace of the highest order.

"And that's why you can't take anything Aaron Rodgers did yesterday seriously, because we are talking about the Detroit Lions, who are absolute garbage. ...

"(Millen) is clueless, he doesn't know what he's doing. Until they get rid of him, we're going to be saying that a whole bunch of people look good when they play the Detroit Lions."

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Lions 2008 Season - One and Done

This email from a friend says it all about the Lions opening game.

Oh my god,
I didnt think it was going to be that bad.
I really thought six - nine wins.

This season is DOA.

The first quarter was brutal. The Lions were like a basketball team that couldn't get a defensive stop. The Falcons scored on their first three possessions like the defense was not there.

The Atlanta Falcons then ran and ran and ran all afternoon. More than 300 yards on the ground.

It was pathetic. Even for the Lions, it was disappointing and a little bit shocking. But not completely unexpected.

This was a major meltdown.

And it comes back to the fundamental problem with the Detroit Lions. Their complete lack of competitiveness. They just do not have the desire or talent to be a respectable NFL team.

Now comes the Monday morning recriminations. The coach insisting that he believes in this team. And the players who do not show up on Sunday are all there to make excuses for the reporters.

And how did the veteran leadership do?

Jeff Backus? The seven year veteran (?) had a false start on his second play of the game. Apparently, the other offensive tackle got pushed around too. I think it is time to put in the rookie. I think it's time to seriously clean house, man. Play the young guys. Please.

And Jon Kitna, the veteran quarterback and resident bible thumper. What a douche! He was yelling at the receiver's coach like a jackass, making questionable decisions on the field that ruined any chances to get back in the game and will come to define this season. This guy is on the very back-end of an extremely mediocre career. You got to be kidding that we'll try to squeeze out four or five wins with a guy who won't be able to walk two years from now.

Where do you start to build with this team?

I thought it was going to work with this coach. In Rod We Trust. A nice slogan but I don't think it's going to happen. If a team can't get motivated for the first game of the season and in fact suffers a meltdown (that was eerily similar to the one that happened in Philadelphia last year after starting 2-0) what can you really expect.

I'll be watching this season like one gawks at the remains of a bad traffic accident.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Thank God it's Week 1

It's time for that uncomfortable summer heat and humidity to go away, for tropical storms and hurricanes to form somewhere out there in the the Atlantic and for the Detroit Lions to take to the field and prove their doubters right once again.

The slogan for the Lions has changed from "Wait til the next Decade" to "Do You Believe in Now.' And it does appear there are reasons for optimism. The Lions are coming off their best pre-season since 1993. That was back in the Wayne Fontes era, which are now referred to as the golden years.

Of course, there are still uncomfortable realities to consider. The Lions gave up more points (27.8) and yards (377.6) per game than any defense last year. Their offense had the 31st rated running game averaging (80.5) yards per game. Teams with stats like that typically don't do well in the NFL, kind of like the Lions last season.

Luckily, the Lions are fortunate enough to play the Atlanta Falcons in their season opener. This fellow sad sack franchise had a monumentally bad season last year with their starting quarterback going to prison and their coach suddenly quitting halfway through the season. And this year they will start a rookie quarterback. In other words, there are few better opponents to open your season against.

So, for the Lions, this is a make or break game. Because if the Lions hold out hopes of winning, say, five or six games this season, they need to win this game.

Among the things to feel good about is the Lions will start an all-rookie backfield. It's always nice to have new blood back there and they will not suffer the taint of last year's disgrace. Things to not feel so good about is starting pretty much the same offensive line as last season. And even worse, new offensive tackle first-rounder Gosder Cherilous is not starting but hopefully this means he could soon replace our hopelessly mediocre and extremely overpaid left tackle Jeff Backus.

Going out on a limb, I am going to make a prediction for this game.

The Lions will try to run but this won't work too well. They go to the pass and make some big plays.

The much improved defense, which had a nearly complete makeover in the secondary, will try to rattle the rookie quarterback.

The special teams will blow the favorable field position the offense and defense earn.

We'll score some touchdowns but as per the Lions M.O. we'll have to settle for field goals.

Lions 20-16.